1. That German guy I met at Stephanie's party on 6th December 2009? The one who invited me to drink mulled wine at the Christmas Markets? He turned out to be really nice so I married him. Here's a photo to prove it.
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| Rice is actually kind of painful, even though it looks pretty. |
2. I finished my year at the Opera Studio in Cologne and got some guest work afterwards as well, in Cologne and in Berlin. It was a great experience and I really had a lot of luck with the roles they gave me. Highlights were: fifth maid in Elektra, High Priestess in Aida (onstage, dressed in Christian La Croix!), Flower Maiden in Parsifal, covering the Governess, Verdi Requiem and Vitellia, plus lotsa lotsa kids opera. Plus Agathe in the kids version of Freischuetz at the Deutsche Oper Berlin.
Aida is Adina Aaron, and she's just awesome
3. I moved back to Berlin and have been working intermittently as an opera singer ever since.
So, they say that self-esteem in the opera industry is measured by whether you have work or not. It shouldn't be that way, but that's how it was starting to feel :-) Which is why after a bit of soul searching and some troubled times, I'm starting my own business soon. Doing something completely different. Watch this space.
On paper, I look great. In the last 2 years I've sung 12 roles in 5 different German venues, including opera houses, concert halls and dinner clubs. I've had 2 fest contracts, 2 guest contracts, 3 cover contracts, I've worked in Cologne and Berlin, I'm doing the Seefestpiele Berlin, I just sang at the Philharmoniker, Deutsche Oper, wow!
I'm healthy, both physically and vocally. I could sing for hours. I want to sing for hours! I practise roles at home, concert rep, and I feel great! Singing makes me feel awesome, planning concerts is exciting.
But the process of finding work is much more demoralizing and degrading than I had ever thought. I'm constantly angry about how much I have to spend for plane tickets, train tickets, audition and competition fees, accommodation. It bothers me that I know brilliant awe-inspiring sopranos who I look up to, who have been without work for 3 years. Every 5-10 minutes that I spend on the stage comes with a price tag - somewhere between 1-200EU, 6 hours on a train, 2-5 hours waiting patiently in a cold room with nothing but a vending machine and no real indication of a schedule. And a lot of the time, someone's already in mind for the job and the audition process is just a formality, sometimes a compulsory one. Vitamin B (the power of relationships) takes years to develop when you move to a new city/country/continent/hemisphere. And I suck at networking.
I'm sick to death of the exploitation of singers, artists and musicians, the amazing mass of unpaid or badly paid projects that you think you should do because the contacts might lead onto paid work down the track. I'm sorry, 5Eu an hour as a freelancer in Germany really means 2.50 an hour with no benefits or protection. Really? I'm sick of the audition process, the cattle calls, the 50 sopranos being locked in a cold room together and all being told to come at the same time, the sitting there for 5 hours waiting to sing.
I will still audition at any given opportunity and I will still guest as an opera singer if offered, and I will still diligently practice my two hours a day and learn repertoire and do competitions and concerts, but I don't NEED to be a full-time opera singer anymore, and since I made that decision it's like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also since I made that decision, I've been getting fantastic feedback in auditions, and the promise of future paid guest work. But even the verbal promise of future work, even from an intendant directly, is not a guarantee. Cynical, aren't I?
It's got nothing to do with money - I can always get help or funding to continue the journey as a singer, and I will if a great opportunity comes along. But my soul needs a bit of saving. I won't do auditions unless I don't need the positive reinforcement like a liferaft. When it doesn't matter whether I get the job or not (but it'd be nice), then I'll audition. When I want and for what projects I want.
